The People Behind The Facade
by SecretaryofState
Summary: Life in the state department is tough, Elizabeths masquerade is beginning to fall away; Iran changed her and the ones closest to her are beginning to catch glimpses of the person she hides behind her mask. Alison faces her own difficulties at school just like her mother did. This is not about what happened in Iran. This is about what happens in the heart of the McCord family.
1. Chapter 1: Just The Beginning

_I haven't been home since Tuesday_ she thought to herself. Now Thursday, Secretary of State Elizabeth McCord was beginning to realise that although she loved the job and its merits it was taxing, she was exhausted and hungry and longed to be at home with the kids and Henry but at the same time the wholesome virtue that came the job was far too much for her to give up.

Elizabeth looked up just as Blake's head peeked around the corner of her office door "Ms Langley is on the line for you secretary McCord"

"Ms Lang-who?" she said. Clearly scrolling through possible mid-Thursday callers in her mind.

Blake gave her a confused look and covered the speaker "Ms Langley. The deputy principle at Alison's school, she said she could call back if now isn't a good time"

"Oh" said flatly before realising that the call was somewhat unprecedented and unusual.

"No, its fine. Put her through please Blake" trying to calm the obvious panic that suddenly began to arise in her voice.

The phone began to sound and her hands clumsily reached for the handset bringing it up to her ear.

"Hi Ms Langley, this is Elizabeth McCord speaking"

"Well thank you for taking my call Ms McCord, Doctor McCord was in the middle of a meeting and I thought it be best to get in touch with one of you as soon as possible" Ms Langley's voice chimed through

"Is everything alright" She could feel her voice beginning to get that tremble. _Calm down_ , irrational fear began clouding her mind.

"Everything is perfectly fine Ms McCord, no need to worry. I would just like to schedule another appointment for Alison's parent teacher interviews tomorrow if that is possible?" Ms Langley's voice came through.

 _Parent teacher interviews_. She had completely forgotten.

"Yes, of course with who may I ask?" She blurted, becoming somewhat distracted.

"With me if that is ok, I don't want to alarm you. Everything is just fine, however I think it best if we had a bit of a chat after Alison's last interview" Ms Langley's voice more gentle now.

"Yes of course" she tried her best to sound positive even with her racing anxious mind trying to rob her of her sanity, "We will see you tomorrow Ms Langley"

"Thank you Ms McCord, I look forward to meeting you"

She heard the line disconnect.

Alison spoke highly of Ms Langley, the young and enthusiastic deputy at her school. _It must be good news and award possibly?_ It didn't matter, she would find out tomorrow. Nevertheless she found it difficult to ignore the pushing feeling in her chest that something was wrong.

"Is everything alright Sectary McCord" Blake peered at her, he looked so concerned, he was such a nice boy to have around.

"Everything is perfectly fine Blake" thank you for asking, letting a smile spread across her lips in her most deceiving manner.

"Alright, good" Blake said sounding convinced.

God she was lucky she was CIA, she could fool almost anyone, shielding her emotions behind a façade of confidence and power. That is, fooling everyone except Henry.

"Your car is here to escort you to your 4:00 appointment" Blake began more sternly this time.

He knew it was a car taking her across Washington to Dr Sherman's office. She always made excuses to why she couldn't go see the therapist. She was always too busy; had too many meetings to attend or too many reports to complete.

He knew she needed help, not many other people noticed it but he did. The breaking of a glass during a meeting, or the screeching of wheels on tarmac outside of her office as a car came to a sudden halt any loud noises would send her into a spiral of panic and frenzy. First her pupils would dilate she would begin to shake or fiddle with pens and paper, then her breathing would quicken and she would promptly make an excuse to leave.

"Thank you Blake" She felt butterflies begin to dance around her stomach. She felt oddly embarrassed and ashamed that Blake knew she was going to a therapist. She had always strongly believed in seeking help with mental illness and had worked in her family to ensure that any negative connotations surrounding mental health were lifted. Nevertheless she cringed as she felt Blake's concerned eyes on her.

She fumbled with her red coat draped across the back of her chair avoiding eye contact with Blake feeling flustered, cloaking it around her as Blake escorted her to the car parked at the front of the building. Blake didn't usually escort her to the car but for trips to the doctor it was an unwritten rule they both knew. If he weren't there she would veer of her path and end up back in her office without having ever left the building.

"Thank you Blake" she said, as they reached the car, her voice sounding tired. Once the car door was closed and her seatbelt buckled she laid back letting her cheeks rest against the cool glass of the window and letting her exhausted body and mind drift off into a light sleep.

* * *

Alison sat at her desk, running her hand back and forth along the cool wood her left leg visibly shaking eyes focused on the paper in front of her trying to ignore the nasty sneers arising from the desks behind her "loser" she heard someone say through a cough in an attempt to mask it from the teacher. It worked; allowing it to ring loud and clear to Alison as it had been intended.

"Alison?" Mr Pitt said concerned.

"Sorry sir, I don't know" Alison mumbled. She hadn't really been listening.

"That's ok Alison" Mr Pitt said surprised. Alison was his top French literature student and had been sitting consistently on an A+ for the entire semester. _She knows that answer_ he concluded looking at her confused then noticing her shaking legs and panicked expression coupled with those glistening eyes he knew only too well from teaching middle school for so long.

Mr Pitt, like all the other teachers knew the difficulty's Alison had been facing over the past weeks. In an attempt to distract the class and remove the pupil's eyes from burning a hole in the back of Alison head he suggested everyone complete the review questions at the back of the textbook in groups.

The class moved around hastily and Alison looked up panicked, a pained expression spread across her face.

Mr Pitt hastily flicked an email off to the deputy principle before leaning down next to Alison and quietly whispering into her ear "I think it would be best if you headed up to the front office; they are expecting you" as a sympathetic smile spread across his lips in an attempt to console her.

"Ok" Alison said trying to sound confidently and unfazed but it was obvious she was trying ever so hard to hold back tears. She quietly gathered her textbooks and files and ventured out into the corridor before walking up to the vast frosted glass doors of the office.

* * *

Elizabeth sat on a large faded red chair fiddling with her necklace, eyes fixed to the floor.

"Sectary McCord" Dr Sherman greeted her.

"Please call me Elizabeth, I feel like I'm being interrogated" she forced a laugh.

"I apologise Elizabeth" Dr Sherman replied. "How are you?"

"Fine" she said flatly, her eyes slowly returning to the floor. Apparently trying to solve the disagreements that arose across the world each day was in her forte, this on the other hand was not.

"How are you finding work" the Dr tried again to ignite any sort of exchange between the two "emotionally I mean, do you feel as if everything is manageable?"

She bit her lip breathing in deeply as she did so. "No, not really" she said almost whimpering. She could feel tears starting to catch in her throat. She hated this.

"It's ok Elizabeth, I wouldn't expect you to feel ok" she replied kindly "would you like to tell me why?"

"I don't know" tears began to slide down her cheek.

"Its ok Elizabeth, just take a deep breath, are you still experiencing panic attacks frequently" the Dr asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yes" she choked.

"Are you treating them in anyway? The Xanax I prescribed you possibly?" Dr Sherman asked hopefully.

"No. I can't" she breathed in deeply "I don't want to".

"That's ok Elizabeth, is there a reason you don't want or feel you can't take medication?" she said while brushing a thick strand of brunette hair back behind her ear.

"Because I am fine" she said trying to sit upright and compose herself. She really hated to cry, especially when Henry wasn't there to hold her and comfort her.

"Elizabeth you have lost a lot of people close to you recently and the ordeal you experienced in Iran" she began "I can assure you that it is completely natural and understood not to feel fine"

"I know" she managed, her breathing becoming laboured. Already feeling vulnerable and nervous just the word 'Iran' caused a whirlwind of emotions to pass over her. The familiar tingling in her hands and quickening heartbeat informed her of the oncoming panic attack.

"Deep breath in Elizabeth" Dr Sherman said reassuringly "everything will be just fine".

* * *

Alison sat in the corridor next to Ms Langley's office, the stark white walls making her feel small and vulnerable. She could feel her eyes were puffy and red from holding back tears, wondering if it would have just been easier to go to the bathrooms in the English block and cry like she usually did.

Alison had always been very pretty, a quiet achiever not to mention all those boys chasing after her. She had it all. She appeared to have it all anyway. Making her a perfect target for snide comments, harassment and bullying.

It began with graffiti in the girls bathroom, on her locker, stolen books and pens not to mention being tripped over in the halls more than once; a crowd of laughing peers surrounding her. But she didn't want to worry her parents, her studies still exceeding all and any expectations. She wanted more than anything to be strong like her mother was.

"Alison" Ms Langley called looking sadly at the student sitting outside her office.

Alison nodded, following the deputy into her office, subconsciously crossing her arms as if to protect herself.

This wasn't Alison first visit to Ms Langley's office regarding the torment, and she really was trying to help. She personally understood just how nasty students could be to each other.

"I would like to do everything I can to rectify this situation Alison" Ms Langley spoke softly. She had always admired Alison and her quiet yet confident demeanour.

Alison looked away embarrassed, feeling suddenly uncomfortable in her own skin. She hated to talk about this, she just wanted to disappear.

"I am planning to pull the executive team together so that we can discuss our options again" Ms Langley sighed "This is one of the most sever cases of bullying we have seen in years"

"I would like to change some of my classes" Alison replied still looking at the floor.

"We can arrange that, but I have made an appointment for your mother and father to discuss some options with me tomorrow" Ms Langley said trying to maintain eye contact with Alison's shy brown eyes.

* * *

Elizabeth stood at the front door, trying her best to compose herself before seeing the kids, not to mention Henry. She slid her hand over the brass knob letting herself into the warmth of the house, the smell of roast chicken filling her lungs.

"Hi guys" she smiled as she embraced her children as they ran over to see her. Most kids were to old to be running to the door to greet their mother, but the McCord kids had a mum who worked long hours and had been in harms way more than once so they all made an exception.

"Smells great in here" she said cheerfully smiling at her wonderful children.

"You alright Noodle?" She asked noticing something was off about Alison.

"Yeah Mum, just hungry" she replied, dodging eye contact. A sign her mother knew too well: something definitely was wrong.

Stevie, Jason and Alison all scuttled off into the kitchen to finish cooking dinner laughing and teasing each other as they went.

She began to unbutton her coat, Henry entered slowly putting his arms around her waist from behind holding her tightly.

"Good day?" Henry asked hopeful.

"Mmhm" She replied looking down at her coat.

Henry leaned in closer to his wife whispering in her ear "everything go well today" referring to her appointment.

"Yup" she replied quickly.

Knowing not to push it, Henry deposited a quick kiss on her cheek before reaching down for her hand and leading her into the kitchen for tea. Roast chicken and salad Stevie had prepared.

* * *

Henry watched his wife from across the table; she was animated and cheerful around the kids engaging in normal McCord dinner table banter.

She played a bit with her food leaving most of the chicken and she watched Alison closely.

She was beginning to recover from Iran but they both knew there was a long road ahead.

* * *

Elizabeth scraped her plate into the bin beneath the sink suddenly feeling her chest restrict and breathing quicken. She instantly tried to employ the deep breathing technique she had learnt today in an attempt to calm her racing body and mind. To no avail, she hastily made an excuse to go to the bedroom not wanting her kids to see her like this.

Just making it up the stairs was a challenge and as soon as she reached the room she collapsed against the wall in a shaky ball of hyperventilation and tears. The image of the bullet entering Minister Javani's head played on repeat in her mind.

She heard Henry enter.

"Hey, hey its ok" Henry said softly as he sat down next to her wrapping his arms protectively around her body.

Finally her breathing slowed, heart stopped racing and after what seemed like an eternity she began to calm, climbing over to sit on Henrys lap facing him, resting her head against his strong shoulders.

Emotions welled up inside of her "Thank you" she managed.

He looked at her, gently brushing a golden lock of hair out of her eyes "I don't think you need to thank me" he stared into her eyes "would you like to talk about it?".

"I'm not ready" she stared back.

"I will be here when you are, I promise" he whispered into her ear.

They sat there for an hour, at least, talking about their day. How many times she had been called into the situation room – too many being the favourable answer and how many rigorous debates Henry had with 'engaged' students.

Finally, his lips reached over to his wife, his hands pulling her close to him, allowing there skin to touch, his hands running down to the small of her back and around her waist as she entwined her fingers behind his neck. Kissing passionately, he held his wife's hips as she knelt over him, her waist rocking gently in his hands.

Slowly they broke away from each, eyes still locked.

She yawned, lying against Henry. She loved the feel of his skin against hers.

"I think that it may be time for bed Madam Secretary" Henry said flirtingly.

"Yes" she said her lips brushing over his one last time.

He helped her unbutton her pants and remove her loose white chiffon blouse revealing her protruding ribs _she it getting far too thin_ Henry thought as he slid a small grey singlet over chest. She stood there lifeless from exhaustion as Henry finished helping her get dressed.

They both crawled into bed, and with her head resting on his chest she drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2: The Interview

Elizabeth sat up abruptly in her bed _It was just a bad dream_ she thought to herself trying to control her breathing. Her hands began to shake, she felt so dizzy. She could feel the weight of Fred's deceased body pinning her to the floor. God she needed some air.

She made her way down stairs, letting herself out the front door and onto the porch allowing the cool night air wash over her. She sat for a while permitting her breathing to slow, her panic attack finally ceasing. Her nose and cheeks flushed pale pink from the frost in the air she turned to let herself back inside noticing a light on in the living room.

She strode into the kitchen still shivering, it was cold out and she had lost so much weight over the past few months there was really nothing to keep her warm anymore.

"Hi Noodle" she said, her daughter sitting at the dining room table books and study notes everywhere, she glanced at her watch '3:12'.

"Hi" Alison said peaking up for only a second.

She walked over to Alison letting her hand fall to her daughters shoulder, rubbing small circles on her back "rough night?" she asked, trying to read her daughter.

"I'm fine Mum" Alison retorted.

"If you were fine you would still be snuggled under your covers in bed" she replied, eying her daughter closely.

Alison shrugged, eyes still glued to her paper.

"We can talk about this you know" she tried, letting her head lower, trying to catch a glimpse of her daughter's eyes.

Alison straightened up, "I just felt like studying" she said matter-of-factly.

She stifled a laugh "you felt like studying at three in the morning?" she questioned.

Alison looked up "Mum, honestly I am fine" she sighed "I'm not the only one up, I heard you go outside" she brought her eyes up to match her mothers "is everything alright?" she sounded concerned now.

"Everything is fine Noodle, and I think we should both go back to bed" she said trying to coax her daughter out of her seat.

The both walked up the stairs silently, back into their own rooms and laid stared at the ceiling waiting for sleep to come over them; it never did.

* * *

Elizabeth stepped out of the lift into the warm buzzing foyer greeted by Matt, Daisy and Nadine.

"Morning Madam Sectary" they announced in unison, before bombarding her with her schedule and what was caught on the latest news cycle.

"The President would like you in in his office as soon as possible" Nadine said sternly taking her bag and coat from her.

"Coffee first" is all she managed to say before daisy placed a freshly made cappuccino in her hand.

"Here you go Madam Sectary, I need to discuss the opening press conference remarks with you later" Daisy began dressed in a beautiful baby pink dress, her lips glossy "but right now they are waiting for you at the white house".

A short car trip later, she was walking through the great white pillars to the vast glass pane doors of the white house, she could hear the towering water fountain behind her, and smell freshly mowed grass from the vast lawns that surrounded the building. The sheer size never ceased to amaze her.

"Madam Sectary, how nice of you to join us" Russel retorted as Elizabeth entered the expansive room.

"Mr President, Russel" she nodded at them as she sat down.

They sat on the sofa in the centre of the room, all clearly exhausted from Iran. The president hadn't shaved properly and had dark bags beneath his eyes, Russel's glasses were smudged and his red tie loose and hanging crookedly around his neck.

"We are still trying our best to clean up in Iran" Russel began "It's not easy, we don't exactly appear to possess the calm stability our country needs right now".

"You need to make sure that the nuclear treaty with Iran is signed stat" Dalton said forcefully "It is top priority now, more important than ever that we get President Shiraz's damn signature on that piece of paper".

"Yes Mr President" she began before being cut off, her stomach began to turn as she lifted her hands up carefully to rub her sleep deprived eyes.

* * *

Alison stood in line at the cafeteria, staring down at her feet appearing to have taken a sudden, extreme interest in her black polished school shoes.

The West Moore dance was coming up in a few weeks, her parents expected her to feel excited but she just felt overwhelmed. She let her mind wander back to her old school, her old life. _Everything use to be simple_ she thought to herself.

"What are you going to order McCord" she heard Katherine's voice behind her.

"I'd go for a low calorie option if I were you" Katherine continued to sneer "You are starting to lose that pretty little figure of yours, unlike your mother who is wasting away before the worlds eyes".

"Don't you dare talk about my mother" she whispered to the tall, lanky blonde girl now standing beside her.

"Pardon?" Katherine's seedy eyes fixed on her now, like a cat that just chose its prey "Not my fault she's weak and can't cope" she stepped closer, she could feel Katherine's breath on her face now "Just like her daughter"

"Leave me alone Katherine" Alison pleaded quietly.

Katherine lifted her hand letting it swiftly but surely came in contact with her face. A stinging sensation overwhelmed her, she felt tears begin to burn in her eyes threatening to escape. She stumbled backwards, as Katherine lunged at her again suddenly a figure appearing in front of her.

"You don't touch her again, you understand me?" a low voice growled causing Katherine to turn abruptly on her heals looking almost ashamed.

She bought her hand gently up to her face, tears beginning to cloud her vision.

"I think we need to get you up to the front office" a tall boy with thick chocolate brown hair styled with a clean, neat cut turned to her.

"No, no honestly I am fine" she said through a sniffle "Thank you James".

"Well at least let me take a look" James said, gently guiding her out of the crowded lunch room, everyone's eyes glued to them.

They walked for what seemed like an eternity down hall ways and corridors to a small room, complete with a few small black chair, stainless steel sink and old coffee machine, not to mention a rack filled with big colourful mugs. Huge windows running above the sink allowed sunlight to dance across the pale green walls.

"Take a seat" James said as he took a wash cloth running it under warm water before lifting it to her cheek that was flushed a light red.

"May I ask what happened back there?" James sounded concerned.

"Girls" Alison said, trying to keep it short and sweet.

"Last time I checked most girls don't try to give each other a black eye" James teased offering a smile "don't worry its only a bit red and puffy, why don't you tell me what is going on?".

* * *

"Oh god, the meeting" Elizabeth exclaimed.

All eyes turned to her; she was sitting in a meeting with her staff trying organise the Iranian Presidents visit. Books, laptops, coffee sprawled over the vast wooden desk.

Nadine looked at her blankly "this meeting you mean Madam Secretary? She said confused.

"No I have my daughters parent teacher interviews" she leapt from her chair "I have to go, thanks guys, I'm sorry" she shouted as she briskly walked through the large wooden doors letting them slam behind her.

As soon as she was in the safety of her car she pulled out her phone to call Henry.

"Hi babe, what's up?" Henrys voice answered.

"I've just left work, meet you at the school?" she asked "I'm running late".

"Yeah, that's fine. Don't worry babe. I will see you soon" Henrys voice reassured her.

She hung up the phone, allowing her eyes to close, relishing the few minutes of rest ahead of her.

About ten minutes later the car came to a halt just outside the school, as the car door swung open she saw Henry's smiling face towering over her, his hand reaching out to hers.

He looked so handsome in his crisp black pants, grey shirt scrunched up around his strong forearms, his brown tie loose around his neck.

"You look exhausted babe" Henry said as she reached out, allowing her fingers to intertwine with his, as he pulled her out of the car onto her feet.

"That is an understatement" she continued, "Where is Alison?"

"She wanted to stay home, kids don't have to come apparently" he smiled.

"Guess we will just have to hear how wonderful she is without her here then" the corners of her lips turning upwards, as they walked together across the grass into the building.

Once in the building her and Henry made their way to various meetings, all Alison's teachers commended them on their excellent parenting. Smiling politely and showing them essays, reports and projects all receiving a high grade, she was one of the top students in all her classes.

She couldn't be more proud of Alison; nevertheless she couldn't help but detect a small amount of pity in their faces as they spoke. After having talked to each and every one of Alison teachers her and Henry slowly made their way across to Ms Langley's office where the receptionist asked them to take a seat.

She could feel her nerves on edge now, subconsciously beginning to tap her foot and fiddle with her skirt. She didn't even know why she was there; she didn't like uncertainty in any shape or form when it came to her children.

Henry reached over to her, cocking his head side ways as he did so "everything all right?" he questioned, touching her shoulder gently.

Ms Langley's voice broke the silence, and her pending answer "Good evening Ms and Doctor McCord" she smiled "it is a pleasure to finally meet you" her face suddenly turned solemn "however I wish it were under more favourable circumstances".

The three walked silently into the deputy's office, Ms Langley motioning for them to sit down on two large cushioned chairs facing her desk. She sat down tracing the grain in the smooth wooden arms of the chair nervously, still tapping her foot ever so slightly causing her skirt to keep sliding up her leg. She crossed her legs, composing herself quickly before Ms Langley turned to them.

"Alison is a lovely girl" Ms Langley said through a tight lipped smile, obviously having difficulty finding the words.

"I agree Ms Langley" she retorted, "It doesn't explain exactly why we are here though, does it?" she said clearly frustrated and on edge.

"Bess" Henry whispered, clearly trying to calm her down a bit.

"I'm sorry, Ms McCord" Ms Langley apologised "Alison has been on the receiving end of some bullying recently, we have tried our best to take the edge off, suspended some of the main suspects but a lot of it is anonymous threats, and nasty messages. She has received some graffiti on the bathroom walls directed at her, and on her locker".

"Threats" she stood up "what sort of threats?" she said, almost shouting "why is this the first I am hearing?"

"The likelihood of the students pursuing the threats is minimal Ms McCord" Ms Langley stuttered.

"Excuse me Ms Langley. I am ex-CIA. I am secretary of state. I think I will be the one deciding the nature of the threats." She was screaming now.

"I'm sorry Ms McCord, Ali-"

"You don't get a sorry. What if something had happened to her?" she said almost screaming now, throwing her hands up "What if my daughter had been shot dead?" she suddenly fell silent, eyes still fixed on Ms Langley.

"Bess" Henrys voice broke the silence "Bess, sit down. It's ok."

"Its not ok Henry" she said, her voice starting to give as she sat down slowly. Henrys hand reaching over to hers.

"Ms Langley, why don't you explain to us what we can do to help? Some options possibly?" Henry said, clearly trying to clear the air.

She sat there, appearing to listen but instead her mind wandered off to her own high school days.

* * *

Houghton Hall Boarding School was freezing in the December through January period, and today was no exception. Elizabeth, or Lizzy as her friends called her donned her favorite navy blue jacket, jeans and was off to the roof of Sukaly to meet Yousif, her co-captain of the debate team for a meeting before break.

"Loser" she heard a snarl behind her, pulling her jacket tighter and increasing her paced towards the rooftop.

She felt a firm hand on her shoulder, swinging her around and pushing her up against a wall. She felt so trapped, so helpless.

"I said 'loser' that was your queue" Ester smiled demonically.

She looked away, unsure of what was about to happen, seriously doubting that they were about to hug and make nice after years of teasing, harassment and bullying.

"Now" Ester shouted as two other scampered around beside her, lifting two large mugs to her head letting lemonade pour over her blonde hair, dripping down her face and saturating her favorite coat.

"Happy holidays loser" the girls shrieked as they ran off singing and laughing as she stood their soaking wet, sticky and shivering violently.

She walked back up to her dorm, people pointing and laughing as she passed and sat on her bed, not crying just thinking for the longest time. It was past 2:00 in the morning by the time she decided to get up and take a shower.

* * *

Elizabeth and Henry opened the front door silently making there way up to the bedroom silently, all the kids asleep in bed.

"I just need some air, I'll be up in a minute" she whispered.

"You sure babe? I can come" he coaxed, his hands running down her hips across her black pencil skirt, pulling her towards him embracing her in a tight hug.

"I'm fine Henry" she looked at the floor between them.

"Ok" she said, Henty gently kissing her cheek, knowing she needed some space.

She made her way up to Alison's room, poking her head through the door "I know your not asleep Noodle" she spoke softly.

Alison lifted her head, peering at her Mum "Is everything alright?" she whispered.

Alison was snuggled under her quilts in her favourite purple pyjamas, hair in a long plait, her dark eyes suddenly falling to her hands as she remembered where her parents had been, she couldn't sleep so had been texting James.

"Can I join you?" she said, whilst leaning against the wall taking off her black heals, almost laddering her tights.

"Sure" Alison said with a shy smile.

She climbed under Alison's covers letting her daughter fall into her arms tears running down her cheeks.

"Would you like to talk about it?" she offered.

"No" Alison whispered, barley making a sound.

"You know when I was at school there was a group of girls that picked on me" she played with Alison long thick braid.

"Really" Alison sounded surprised, brushing wisps of soft hair out of her face.

"Yes, really" she continued, "but it just made me stronger; there not Sectary of State now are they" trying to cajole a smile out of Alison, it worked.

"You just have to remember that none of this is your fault, ok?" she lent down to her daughters ear.

'I love you Mum" Alison beamed, her eyes still sad and sparkling with tears.

"We are going to have a talk about this in the morning, you your father and I" she said while snuggling down further under the blankets

"Ok Mum" Alison replied.

She laid there until 4:00 in the morning holding her daughter, the relief of sleep refusing to come. She tiptoed back into bed with Henry lying down and quietly letting tears fall into her pillow.


	3. Chapter 3: Masquerade Begins to Crack

**Chapter 3: The** **Masquerade Begins to Crack**

"Hey, babe" Henry slured sleepily as he rolls across the soft sheets of their bed to face his wife.

"Bess, what's wrong?" Henry begins to wake, noticing his wife curled in a ball with her back to him crying softly.

Henry lifts the soft brown doona up moving towards her "Babe come on talk to me" she hears him murmur. She rolls over nestling against him, her face damp with salty tears. Her chest heaving. Henry places a finger beneath her chin gently lifting her head up to meet his light brown eyes.

"Is it about Alison?" Henry whispers while brushing her soft blond hair out of her eyes and tucking it behind her ears.

"It's about everything" she breathed "I feel so helpless" tears filled her eyes "I just want to protect her; I couldn't protect Abdul" she said as she nestled her head into his shoulder "I can't forget it; he watched as his father was killed in his own living room" she was beginning to hyperventilate.

"Its alright Bess, none of that was your fault" Henry tried, she began to panic.

She felt Henrys hands beneath her, sitting her upright in bed but she felt dizzy the sound of gun shots played over and over in her mind _Abdul stay down_ her ears rung. Her body began to shake violently, she couldn't breathe, her heart was hammering against her rib cage sending her into a spiral of terror and anxiety.

"Babe, it's ok" Henry whispered "just take some deep breaths, your safe here with me" Henry tried, but he felts so helpless watching his wife endure such crippling fear.

She sat there for what felt like an eternity, trapped in a single moment of utmost fear that left her paralysed and trembling, finally she began to calm, gripping onto Henry and burrowing her face into his warm, soft flannel shirt as he squeezed her into a tight hug.

"I think maybe we should make an appointment for Dr Sherman today" Henry suggested "and maybe a nice warm bath?" she nodded in agreement.

Henry folded back the covers exposing his legs to the cool of the room before walking into the bathroom, the tiles like sheets of ice beneath his feet, he turned on the tap letting warm water splash onto the white porcelain, the steam filling the air above him.

She followed him wearing only a loose flannelette pyjama shirt nearly reaching her kneed, almost losing her balance on the icy floor beneath her. Henrys arms steadying her, his lips gently kissing her puffy red cheeks as his arms balanced her hips.

She whimpered, a shooting pain spreading down her back where Henrys hand has momentarily brushed over her scar.

"Everything alright?" an even more worrisome expression fell over Henry.

"I am absolutely fine" she whispered with a smile "I will be down soon, go see the kids" she nudged his back gently guiding him towards the children downstairs.

Henry left and she peeled back the thick plaster revealing a throbbing red laceration, _infected_ she concluded as she filled the wound with thick sticky yellow antiseptic cream and prayed the painful lesion on the left side of her back would lessen. It had reopened after it was stitched back up at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Germany. She prayed that it would soon fully heal.

* * *

The kids were already in the kitchen, nice and warm in their flannelette pyjamas holding cups of steaming cocoa and tea. They were chatting and laughing just like old friends. There hectic life had thrown them around too but they had banded together embracing the McCord team spirit.

"Morning Noodle" Henry kissed Alison softly on her head, ruffling her hair as he did.

"Morning Stevie" embracing his youngest and oldest in a tight hug "Morning Jason".

"Where is Mum?" Alison asked.

"I love you too" Henry smiled cheekily, enjoying teasing his daughter.

"I'm sorry, morning dad" Alison poked her tongue out "Where is Mum?"

"She is having a nice, long, warm and hopefully relaxing bath" Henry huffed, with a slight smile "knowing her she is probably already dressed and sitting at her laptop again" he laughed, trying to sound light-hearted but the truth was it broke Henry to see her working herself into the ground like this. Iran had changed her.

"Pancakes anyone?" Henry asked, whipping out his smart apron covered in thick paint from when Alison was younger, "I need help cooking" he said whilst tying in around his waist.

"Oh, yes please" Stevie rejoiced "Soy milk?"

"Stevie!" both Alison and Jason protested in unison.

"C'mon guys it tastes practically the same" Stevie persuaded.

Henry, Jason, Stevie and Alison made themselves busy measuring flour, pouring milk and stirring the thick batter giggling and telling terrible, very un-funny jokes as they did. Stevie flicked some batter off the bench hitting Alison fair and square on the nose.

"oops" Stevie breathed, a huge smile spreading across her face as she help up her hand trying to hide it.

Alison lifted up the big wooden stirring spoon letting thick batter drizzle across her palm, wiping it down Stevie's rosy cheek "oops" she giggled as she jumped up giving her big sister a hug smearing batter across her own lips, poking her tongue out to taste it "mmm yum" Alison chuckled, the kitchen dissolving into giggles.

"What have I missed?" Elizabeth's melodious voice broke the laughter.

Her and Stevie's eyes locked, smiles spreading across both their lips now as they lunged at their mother with there batter covered faces leaving traces of their morning shenanigans all over her too.

* * *

After a big breakfast of pancakes smothered in butter and honey the kids cleaned up the kitchen table running warm water into the sink, filling it with citrus detergent allowing fluffy white bubbles to spill over the plates as they began scrubbing the dishes clean.

"Alison" Elizabeth called "Your father and I would like to have a chat".

"So go ahead and chat" Alison called from the kitchen "I wont stop you".

"Come on Noodle" Henry called from the sofa where they sat side by side, Henry's strong arms wrapped protectively around her shoulder.

"Ok" Alison sighed as she dropped onto a big cushioned chair facing her parents on the couch.

"Why didn't you tell us?" she sighed looking at her daughter, wondering when exactly they had become so distant. It was like they were on different planets lately but Alison had perfected the light conversations and tight hugs that tricked her into believing they shared the same relationship they always had. Almost, anyway.

"I don't know" Alison mumbled bringing her knees up to her chest making her look so small and fragile.

"Noodle" Henry began.

"Don't call me that ok?" Alison's voice suddenly grew louder "you don't understand what its like, you live on a different planet" tear drops began to collect on her pajama top "you exist constantly on this elite political platform, 'you're the secretary of state', you have forgotten what it is like to be normal human beings" Alison was noticeably furious but there was a sadness in her that radiated across the room.

"Alison I know exactly how you feel, I told you last night that I went through this exact same thing" she spoke. Henry squeezed his wife's shoulder, trying to calm the rising panic in her voice.

"Alison listen up, we just want to help you out. That's all" Henry tried, a soothing tone to his voice.

"You know, when I was at school there was this girl who was relentless. She would try anything just to get a rise out of me, this one time she poured milk into my locker through the vents at the top; all of my books, bags, stationary, everything stunk of rancid milk" she said "I survived, but we don't want you to have to go through this alone Alison".

"Yeah well, you're the secretary of state now so its all fine for you" Alison wept "I'm studying until I'm too exhausted to open my eyes, my peers hate me and you know what? I will never achieve as much as you have".

"Alison we will be proud of you no matter what you achieve" Henry smiled "but regardless of what may or may not happen in your future we wont stand for these girls bullying you like this".

"I can handle this on my own, I don't need help from the secretary of state and her husband?" she got up heading for the stairwell "just leave me alone".

"Alison" she called as she saw her brown hair disappear around the corner.

"I think she just needs some space" Henry began, gently pulling his wife back onto the sofa when she began to rise: most likely to chase Alison up the stairs.

"Henry, am I ruining our lives so much that our daughter wont even talk to us anymore?" she spoke, slowly bringing her eyes up to meet his.

"Elizabeth, these things happen, she's a teenager. She will come around, ok?" Henry said, placing his hand is hers.

"Ok" she replied, just as her phone began to buzz, she lifted it up to her ear.

"Looks like I am going to work" she breathed out, peering at Henry, their lips locking.

"I love you" she managed "I love you too babe" Henry replied.

"Oh and don't forget your anti-anxiety pills" he smiled lifting the small bottle tainted a light orange up to her eyes "also you have an appointment with Dr Sherman at 4:00 tomorrow" he planted one last kiss on her cheek "she couldn't fit you in today".

* * *

Daisy stood behind the vast wooden desk, her pale pink blouse hanging loosely around her waist. Matt sat facing Elizabeth reading out a speech to address the Russian Foreign Minister Ostrov on his visit to America. Nadine stood at the door her shoulders tense with worry sensing Elizabeth wasn't as well as she let on.

She sat tense and upright in her chair, her mind beginning to fumble, her index finger and thumb nervously kneading against one another "will you excuse me" she announced abruptly before leaving her seat, heading for her office door.

"Are you alright Madam Secretary" Nadine's voice filled with concern called after her.

"I am fine" a wave of nausea hit her, she felt dizzy stumbling for the washroom, an acidic fluid dampening the back of her throat _I am going to vomit_ she thought just as she turned the handle, the door flung open and she raced over to the sink just in time to watch her sick slide down the drain. She felt a dampness on her forehead, her hands clambering to turn the faucet on to wash her mouth.

"Madam Secretary" Blake's worried voice snapping her out of her nauseated state. She had forgotten to close the door in her haste.

"Yes Blake" she tried to sound calm and confident as a tidal wave of nausea hit her, she reached again for the sink silently allowing the contents of her stomach to trickle into the whirling tap water.

"I'm going to call the doctor" Blake said as he closed the door slightly to give her some privacy "Nadine" Blake called again.

"I'm fine Blake really" she called after him just as a dizzy spell fell over her forcing her to slump against the teal blue bathroom wall.

She could hear Nadine standing outside the bathroom "Would you like a glass of water Madam Secretary?".

"Yes please" she sighed, her cheeks flaming red from embarrassment and also probably from losing her breakfast to the plumbing.

Nadine ambled in, trying to hide her shock when she saw Elizabeth, she looked ill, so weak, so different to the strong woman she usually saw. Silently handing her the glass of water "Would you like me to give Henry a call?" she asked.

"No, no, its fine no point in bothering him" she murmured, scrambling up to face the sink again as she felt the familiar rise of sick in the back of her throat.

"Madam Secretary" She began.

"Just call me Elizabeth" she replied "I think we are a bit past niceties" sounding more irritated than she had intended.

"Sorry Elizabeth" Nadine continued "I don't mean to alarm you, but I think the lesion on your back is infected it has bled through your blouse" she said gently peeling back the white chiffon material exposing a the puss filled wound.

"Madam Secretary" Blake peered through the door "the doctor is here to see you".

* * *

Alison sat upright at her desk, scribbling out a study plan to complete all her homework, assignments, study notes as well as prepare material and study for exams. She was already exhausted and her eyes began to slide closed _I still have study to do_ she thought, snapping her out of her sleep deprived state. She got up from her seat dragging herself across her bedroom to her school bag in the corner near her bed, fishing around for her note pad and pencils.

"What are you doing" Stevie's voice startled her causing her to jump.

"Drawing" she replied trying to sound calm, after all she hadn't done anything wrong.

Drawing was the only thing that could calm her down. She felt so exposed now her parents knew about the bullying. She always made sure they thought she was well liked after all she was a 'peer mediator' and had just joined the school newspaper – although she was yet to tell them about that.

"Mum and Dad can be annoying sometimes huh?" Stevie said, trying to start up a conversation.

"yeah" Alison winced, _Oh geez,_ she thought, _Stevie knew too_.

"You kind off lost it this morning" Stevie's face fell stern as she settled herself onto Alison's bed.

"You heard that?" She asked, a pang of guilt piercing her chest.

"They do care about you" she continued "You should have told someone you were being bullied Ali, that's what we are here for" Stevie smiled at her and patted the bed beside her.

Alison sat down next to her sister her thick brown hair falling across her face as she collapsed into Stevie's arms, her head against her sisters thick, grey woolly cardigan. "I know" she replied as tears began to fill her eyes and run down her cheeks "thank you".

* * *

The nurse set her navy blue bag down clearing the room of onlookers and quickly busying herself with taking temperatures and checking Elizabeth's heart rate and blood pressure. Elizabeth sat on the beige sofa watching the nurses fine grey hair bouncing around as she worked. The nurse set a cream coloured bucket next to her on the couch. She suspected it was there if she felt the urge to vomit again.

"Secretary McCord can you please stand up" the nurses voice shattering the prior silence.

'Uh-hu" she replied, trying desperately to sound ok.

The nurse gently lifted up her blouse, trying to muffle the gasp she let escape upon seeing the horribly infected wound on her back.

"Is it painful?" the nurse asked gently pressing a finger to one side.

"Yes" she replied, feeling a wave of embarrassment pass over her.

"Ok, you probably should have called us earlier, I think you need to visit the hospital" the nurse sad clearly expressing her concern.

"I think I am going to vomit again" she said sounding strained as she sat down on the couch, visibly trembling.

The nurse hastily passed the bucket to her just in time to catch the sour smelling bile forcing its way out of her stomach.

Daisy, Jay, Nadine and Blake scampered around outside the doors anxiously waiting for news, the entire state department has practically come to a stand still.

The nurses head peeked through the door "I have cleaned out the wound" she winced at the thought of how painful it must have been for The Secretary "she has a prescription for antibiotics but I think she needs to go home and rest".

"Thank you" Nadine replied "Blake?"

"I will call Henry" Blake replied obediently turning away to call Henry, he had his number on speed dial so it only took a second. The phone rung once before Henry picked up.

"Hi Blake" Henrys voice dripping with concern.

"Hi Doctor McCord, Elizabeth isn't feeling so well. Um, we think it best if you could come and pick her up." Blake hated to be the bearer of bad news.

"I will be right there" Henry replied, Blake could already hear the thump of his feet on the ground beneath him, running presumably to his car.

* * *

Elizabeth continued to heave, her head began to cloud so much that the car ride home became a blur of voices and the pungent sent of vomit and antiseptic. She felt herself begin to panic, the stabbing pain in her back a reminder of her trip to Iran. She drifted even further into unconsciousness.

"Babe" Henrys voice jolted her back to reality, he was sitting on the side of their bed watching over her protectively.

"I'm sorry" she said trying to sit herself upright, her arms too weak. It had been her go-to response recently.

"No" Henry looked at her, his face a calm façade for the turmoil that was filling his mind "Bess you need to look after yourself" he said leaning forward to brush a strand of hair from her eyes "its ok to let your self be vulnerable once in a while".

She looked down, embarrassed and wary from the days efforts but mostly to hide her face from Henry. She bit her lip, sliding her hand into his.

"You are tougher than a Navy Seal, ok?" Henry's warm smile bought her back to reality "they have put you on a dose of antibiotics so you should be feeling better tomorrow, now that they have cleaned out the wound and put stitches back in".

"But more importantly, how are you feeling?" Henry asked.

Instead of replying to the question Bess snuggled up to her husband more than ever wanting to protect him from the insane chaos that ruled the world. "I love you" she replied.


End file.
